Homesickness has hit...and it hurts!

August 11

So I’m home right now and I’ve started to clean. The place is rather dusty…
And my computer decided to play “Let it Be” by the Beatles. I feel like it matches a bit of what I’m feeling.
At the moment, I trying really hard to fight homesickness. Never have I felt it the way I do now. But then again, I was never that far away from home nor away for that long. But the main thing that I’ve noticed is that I was never alone. Sure I easily make friends and what not but I’ve never really felt alone alone. I’m not really sure how to explain it…I’m fine when I’m at school and sort of working at the moment (since it’s summer break and Obon just came up [Obon = Japanese equivalent of Día de los Muertos]). But anyway, back to the relation to the song. I’m trying to hard to not necessarily let go of home and my connections to everyone there, but to let go of the feeling of helplessness and loneliness.
In the beginning it wasn’t so bad. But then again, I was in places that were clean and during my homestays I had someone or some people to hang out with. I was never alone. During the three days in the hotel in Fukuoka weren’t really bad b/c I was out most of the day. My predecessor was showing me around and whatnot (so nice of him). But he left me a rusting bike…
Also, what I think is really getting to me at the moment is that my apartment is rather…not nice. It’s a good size but because it’s on the first floor, the floor is not that great. The floors were repaired the day I came in but I feel that the guys missed a spot near the bathroom and it’s starting to freak me out. I’m afraid that I’m going to have bugs coming in from there…and I’ve heard about roaches during the raining season (and though is has been raining a little bit everyday, it’s not really the “raining season”. So It worries me…more so because I’m allergic to them!!! ><” The last thing I need to have an allergic reaction/asthma complication here in Japan…
Well, I got the next two days off of work and I’m going to work my butt off to clean and get this place to my standard of acceptable…I’m a bit of a germ-o-phobe at times…but I try really hard to fight it!
Anyhoo, coming home is not a happy thing for me. It makes me depressed and really feel alone. Though I have made lots of friends and be-friended many co-workers, I feel so alone as soon as I come home…But I guess it’s just something I have to overcome on my own. Because, I am on my own. I have to be an adult and just accept it or change it (since it is my place) to the way that I want it. Maybe I’ll take up painting again…or…make exploring my new hobby…
Oh. So someone mentioned that maybe getting a scooter will be a good idea…so I’m playing with the idea. But since even being the passenger in the car still confuses and freaks me out at times (because they’re on the opposite side compared to odd America) I’m not really sure I can really do it. Although I do like the idea…
But…I think I’m just gonna have to look for a new bike since the one I have doesn’t look that great…and knowing my luck, it’s either going to break or I’m going to fall/scratch myself against it and…yea…it ain’t pretty. But I hear that the bikes are pretty cheap too…and a friend got a helmet for about the equivalent of $9. :]

Also…having a break-up 2 days prior to departure is also making settling in a little hard…especially when most of my neighbors are in a relationship… ><”

So long for now. ; _ ;